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 Post subject: Re: Son exploiting elderly Mother
PostPosted: Thu Mar 03, 2011 9:34 am 
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Holiday Home Owner

Joined: Nov 30, 2008
Posts: 326
Thanks to all for the time you have taken to consider this my sister and I are meeting informally with a solicitor on Sat. morning, as a family unfortunately we are not all in agreement on which way to go with this so discovering all options is the main thing and acting fast before my Mum deteriorates further.


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 Post subject: Re: Son exploiting elderly Mother
PostPosted: Thu Mar 03, 2011 11:04 am 
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Property Magnate

Joined: Aug 24, 2007
Posts: 664
God, this all sounds so familiar - again, in my own family there is one sibling who has ruthlessly exploited our very elderly father and its difficult to know where you can go on this, as the sibling lives at home and the bullying is psychological rather than physical and has been going on for years. I reckon my Dad is suffering from a form of "Stockholm Syndrome" and won't hear a word against his rotten son, and I reckon this is probably quite a common phenonemon. In fact I suspect Elder Abuse is a massive hidden problem in Ireland along the lines of child abuse. I'd be really interested in knowing how you get on with your solicitor on Saturday - just the jist would be great.


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 Post subject: Re: Son exploiting elderly Mother
PostPosted: Thu Mar 03, 2011 1:07 pm 
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Property Magnate

Joined: Apr 28, 2010
Posts: 658
pollydolly wrote:
God, this all sounds so familiar - again, in my own family there is one sibling who has ruthlessly exploited our very elderly father and its difficult to know where you can go on this, as the sibling lives at home and the bullying is psychological rather than physical and has been going on for years. I reckon my Dad is suffering from a form of "Stockholm Syndrome" and won't hear a word against his rotten son, and I reckon this is probably quite a common phenonemon. In fact I suspect Elder Abuse is a massive hidden problem in Ireland along the lines of child abuse. I'd be really interested in knowing how you get on with your solicitor on Saturday - just the jist would be great.


Related article about Mickey Rooney that I read yesterday:

http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2011-03-0 ... aring.html


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 Post subject: Re: Son exploiting elderly Mother
PostPosted: Thu Mar 03, 2011 9:15 pm 
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Neo Landlord

Joined: Oct 15, 2008
Posts: 245
pollydolly wrote:
In fact I suspect Elder Abuse is a massive hidden problem in Ireland along the lines of child abuse.


Absolutely. Did some research into the area and http://www.elderabuse.org.uk/ reckon up to 10% of older people in Ireland have suffered abuse, mostly at the hands of close friends and family.


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 Post subject: Re: Son exploiting elderly Mother
PostPosted: Thu Mar 03, 2011 10:03 pm 
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Under CAB Investigation

Joined: Jan 3, 2009
Posts: 1895
I think that the bottom line is that your mother seemed happy enough to piss away her money on your feckless brother before she developed dementia. If that was her decision, I wouldn't interfere. She had that right.

She may have a touch of dementia now, but maybe she is only giving him small amounts of her pension.

Be very slow to deprive her of control over her life and treat her like a child.

The bottom line is that she may favour the b@stard. If that is the case, I'd suck it up if I were you. She has certain rights: she has the right to be an unfair mother. She has the right to be a sucker and to be exploited. She has the right to not leave any of ye an inheritance. It's her life, her money. Elderly people have a right to piss their money down the drain if they want to.

If all she has now is but a touch of dementia, I wouldn't interfere unless absolutely necessary and any interference should be done with a view to protecting HER rather than protecting YOU.

Perhaps confronting your brother as has already been done is about as much as you can do.

You could put it to your brother that financially abusing his mother - especially if she has some dementia - is elder abuse, that he is being closely monitored from now on for signs of being an elder abuser and that you intend to seek legal advice over it if it happens again.

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 Post subject: Re: Son exploiting elderly Mother
PostPosted: Thu Mar 03, 2011 10:18 pm 
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Back Home with Mammy

Joined: Sep 15, 2010
Posts: 69
Hi Grace I am a Social worker in the HSE in the Dun Laoghaire Area in Primary Care with the adult population. There should be a Elder abuse worker in every HSE area in the country or a HSE rep that you can talk to. Financial abuse is punishable by the law. There are 2 options Ward of court which can cost up to 18000 in solicitors fees and this is taken out of your mothers estate or the enduring power of attorney which your mum decides in front of a solicitor to hand over her financial / care affairs to members of the family to protect her in case she suffers from dementia in the future. You would want to get your GP to get a geriatric assessment of your mum if you think she is beginning to lose her memory etc and contact the local Pubic Health Nurse in the are where you live to get supports for you and your family if this chap is abusing your mum either you need to take action to protect her.

You can send me a PM and I can go through the options with you or put you in touch with your local elder abuse case worker.


Last edited by xman on Thu Mar 03, 2011 10:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.
private info


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 Post subject: Re: Son exploiting elderly Mother
PostPosted: Thu Mar 03, 2011 10:24 pm 
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Under CAB Investigation

Joined: Jan 3, 2009
Posts: 1895
MrT wrote:
Hi Grace I am a Social worker in the HSE in the Dun Laoghaire Area in Primary Care with the adult population. There should be a Elder abuse worker in every HSE area in the country or a HSE rep that you can talk to. Financial abuse is punishable by the law. There are 2 options Ward of court which can cost up to 18000 in solicitors fees and this is taken out of your mothers estate or the enduring power of attorney which your mum decides in front of a solicitor to hand over her financial / care affairs to members of the family to protect her in case she suffers from dementia in the future. You would want to get your GP to get a geriatric assessment of your mum if you think she is beginning to lose her memory etc and contact the local Pubic Health Nurse in the are where you live to get supports for you and your family if this chap is abusing your mum either you need to take action to protect her.

You can send me a PM and I can go through the options with you or put you in touch with your local elder abuse case worker.


Well-done on stepping in, Mr T. Excellent post and good to know that structures are in place in this country to deal with the problem of elder abuse.

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 Post subject: Re: Son exploiting elderly Mother
PostPosted: Thu Mar 03, 2011 10:28 pm 
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Under CAB Investigation
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Joined: Sep 26, 2008
Posts: 1762
Location: Hey y'all
Guys however good the intentions I don't think phone numbers are a good idea in web forum posts. Use PM's

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 Post subject: Re: Son exploiting elderly Mother
PostPosted: Mon Mar 14, 2011 7:45 pm 
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Back Home with Mammy

Joined: Sep 15, 2010
Posts: 69
http://www.ncpop.ie/index.php?uniqueID=10102

check out this discussion on financial elder abuse by a foreign expert and the issues pertinent that may be of benefit to your situation.

Best of luck with it.


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 Post subject: Re: Son exploiting elderly Mother
PostPosted: Mon Mar 14, 2011 8:33 pm 
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Too Big to Fail
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Location: Mesopotatia
This thread is an eye opener to me and hopefully won't have to encounter a problem like this.

Fair play to you Mr T by the way. Your good work continues :D


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The real damage is done by those millions who want to 'get by'. The ordinary men who just want to be left in peace. Those who don’t want their lives disturbed by anything bigger than themselves. Those with no sides and no causes. Those who won’t take measure of their own strength, for fear of antagonizing their own weakness. Those people who roll up their spirits into tiny little balls so as to be safe. Safe?! From what?
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 Post subject: Re: Son exploiting elderly Mother
PostPosted: Mon Sep 26, 2011 1:39 pm 
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Migrant

Joined: Sep 26, 2011
Posts: 2
Yes an Enduring Power of Attorney certainly sounds like the way to go. This is something that is put in place when dementia or alzheimers is first diagnosed, but isn't registered (i.e. doesn't enter into force) until absolutely necessary - when the person just cannot look after themselves anymore. If not explained properly, it might be viewed as something scarey for them, but really it is a means for them to control what happens to them down the line. Your mother is more than likely aware that she has been bled dry, and knows full well who her "enemy" is in all this, but finds it difficult to resist persuasion or sob stories.

The enduring power of attorney doesn't necessarily need to be one of her children. My mother is one for her Aunt in law. She was chosen because she has always been there to help her out when necessary and without payment, she doesn't stand to gain from the will, and is tough enough to withstand pressure from her children who want to liquidate assets etc. The lady in question just knew that it was her best interests, and knew that her express wishes would be respected. An impact on eventual inheritance etc wasn't going to be a motivating factor for decisions made by my mother with respect to her care and finances, decisions are purely motivated by what is best for her, not what is best for those who stand to inherit her considerable fortune. She requested herself that it be registered when pressure from her children got excessive, and has since found it a big relief and comfort. While she is alert and can still hold a conversation etc, she gets confused very easily, doesn't recognise people, and couldn't pay a bill or tell you tomorrow what you discussed today. It is really your mother, not you, who should be going for the medical and legal advice before she reaches that stage so she can plan for her own future.


Last edited by ripdot on Mon Sep 26, 2011 5:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Son exploiting elderly Mother
PostPosted: Mon Sep 26, 2011 2:28 pm 
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Back Home with Mammy

Joined: Sep 15, 2010
Posts: 69
New legislation due in jan with regard to mental capacity and the older population should be interesting if it improves situations like your mum is in. I would still go with my original advice and that of others on this topic to contact the local ea or public health nurse with your concerns as they are a great source of support in the community.


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